My Story

My story starts several years ago.  In the July of 1999 I got married in Miami, Oklahoma to a woman I’d only known for four months.  Not the brightest move in a life full of color and questionable decisions.

We were both in the US Air Force and met while we were on a deployment in Italy.  I was stationed in Japan and she was stationed in Illinois.  I had been in Italy for about a month and we seemed to hit it off pretty easily.  We played a lot of darts, drank a lot of beer and spent an inordinate amount of time together.  Things just naturally progressed, even up to the point where she asked me to marry her.  (I’m telling you, definitely backwards).

In hindsight I was enamored by the attention she showed me. I had recently broken up with someone before I had deployed to Italy and was susceptible to my own mis-aligned beliefs and wants.  She, on the other hand, had been married twice previously and had been involved with a married man prior to our relationship.  (All clues, yes I know).

After five years of marriage, a lot of it unhappy marriage, we separated.  We had a two-and-a-half year old daughter at the time and I spent my weekends with her.  Through my somewhat bitter and tumultuous divorce I was awarded joint-legal custody.  Not long after my ex-wife proceeded to move 1100 miles away with my daughter.  Unfortunately for me, my job at the time required extensive travel and even after I changed that it did not warrant a change in circumstance to re-evaluate the physical custody agreement.

I’ve come to grips with my situation and realized that there weren’t many resources for men going through divorce.  The best sources of knowledge that I found were 1. My divorced friends, 2. My divorced brothers 3. My lawyer.

On a more personal and spiritual note, I did find myself reconnecting with God during this time.  Never before can I remember having as much fullness, richness and guidance in my life when I most needed it.

Currently my daughter still lives 1100 miles away.  I see her for eight weeks in the summer, alternating spring and Thanksgiving breaks and half of her holiday break.  Is it enough?  Not by far.  But the most important lesson I’ve learned so far is that you don’t have to like it, you just have to accept it.  Accepting it does not mean you like it, nor do you have to.