Dating after Divorce

 

Dating after divorce is one of those touchy-feeling subjects that I’ve talked about with several other divorced men.  Some of these men have at least one children and some had no children.  Dating after divorce is a much different animal if you have children or not.  Let’s run down some of the major factors that are involved in dating after divorce.

• Children
  • Age of children
• Length Of Marriage
• Relationship with ex-spouse
• Marital status of your new friend
• Child support payments
• Alimony or spousal-support payments

Children have a big impact on dating.  Child custody and visitation agreements impact those weekend dates own unless you want to get a babysitter, unless you have children old enough stay home alone without supervision.  It’s a 50/50 split between men who get sitters and men who date on the weekends when they do not have their kids.  For two guys who have joint-physical custody (or primary physical custody) it really comes down to having a sitter and trying to keep a healthy balance of time with the kids and time out on the town.  My thoughts:  If you have your kids every other weekend, date on the off weekends and spend time with your children.

Length of your marriage helps dictate if “times have changed.”  Men (and women) who have divorced after long marriages are accustomed to the way things are with their ex-spouse and have a hard time adjusting to dating scene.   This isn’t the same for everyone and some people are really good at adapting.  In the end it’s all the same — meet someone and try to have a good time.  The hip and happening club and bar scene may not work for older men or women who just want to meet a companion.

If going out to the meat markets isn’t your thing try online dating.  Online dating lets you be mostly anonymous and allows you to fine-hone the people you’d try to like to meet.  Sure, it’s a little different if you’re used to going out and find yourself at a point where you don’t feel like trading drinks and dancing for phone numbers.  There are plenty of free dating sites out there to try.  Just remember to keep confidential information to yourself when writing up your biography or when talking to people on the Internet.

Your relationship with your ex-spouse has an impact after you have met and started “dating” someone.  Dating, in this sense, meaning that you’ve entered into a more emotional attachment and are seeing each other often.  If you’re told your new lady-friend you’re divorced, and she’s never been married, she’ll be bound to have numerous questions, one of which sounds something like ‘How often do you see or talk to your ex-wife?”

A simple answer may seem the way to go with this question, and that’s precisely what you need to do.  How often you talk to your ex-wife or see her has a direct impact on how a woman thinks about you, in more than one ways.  By answering in a short, concise way you leave it open for her to ask more.  If you volunteer gobs of information, your average, pack-hunting human female may interpret your chattiness as “he’s hung up on her.”

Explain it in simple ways without embellishment and avoid emotional dependency at all costs.  “I see her every other Friday when I pick up my son.  We don’t talk except for when she picks up the phone when I call him.” Or something similar.

For the never-married female, your previous marriage can haunt her dreams.  Women are extremely competitive with each other.  Your new lady-friend will most likely compare herself to your ex-wife, so plan for more questions.  If she’s been married before this may not be that weird for her as she knows what you’ve gone through.  The woman is a complex being, so either way, you could be up for the inquisition.  Just stay calm and keep it short.  Don’t embellish and DON’T lie.  It’s easier to get caught in a lie then for her to just accept the truth.

Child support and alimony…  This normally can be an issue once you’re more deeply committed in your new relationship.  Why?  Women want to be cared for, they want to be pampered and above all they want security.  Your finances are extremely important to her (unless she happens to be rich and then she will be even MORE aware of your financial payments).  We’re natural creatures and women will want to ensure their new mate can provide for them and their possible children.  If you live in your moms basement and have to take a scooter to work every day, your odds of a long term relationship with a high-quality woman are getting worse and worse.  If you can’t support yourself, how can you support her?

Dating after divorce is also a liberating and self-motivating experience.  You’re free to do what you want, when you want.  Within reason, of course.  It’s time to put yourself back into the world and meet new and exciting people and hear their stories.

Written by Jason - http://www.DivorcedDadsOnline.com