How Often Do You… (Part 3)

This is the final part of a three part series on “How Often Do You _” The _ being “something” with your child(ren).  Geared towards the divorced dads out there.   Answers may vary based on your custody agreement, especially if you have primary physical custody.  You can read part 1 and 2 here and here.

How often do you focus solely on your children?

This is something I struggle with, even with the 10 weeks or so I get with my daughter every year.  Focusing solely on her and what she is doing.  Focusing on someone else’s needs is something that you learn.  It’s not something you’re built with.  As parents, we learn as we go, and we have to learn how to balance our child’s needs and wants against what is best for your child.  To me, slowing down from the daily grind to take enjoyment in your child and spend time with them falls into a child’s needs.

We, in the US of A, are an “always-on” society.  The environment around us, television, radio and our work has conditioned us into believing that we have to multi-task to be successful.  In fact, studies show that multi-tasking is stressful on the brain and is not always more efficient.  In fact, it’s harder to successfully multi-task then it is to focus on one or two key tasks because it takes longer to shift from task to task as the tasks become more difficult.  This is even worse if the two tasks are unrelated.

It is hard to slow down when you’re running full speed ahead.  At times we think of our children as an interruption when, in fact, he or she is coming to you because you’re NEEDED.  Isn’t it nice to be needed?  Being needed at home as a parent has a much better feeling then being needed at the office?

Slow down, take a step back, and put the Crackberry Blackberry away.  Spend an evening with your kids and focus on NOT what is on television or if that important email came in yet.  There will always be more work tomorrow. Your kids will love you for it.  Plus, as a nice side effect, relaxing activities at home decrease your stress levels!