A Struggle Of Divorced Fatherhood…

Dating and having a child. Or Children.

It isn’t easy. In the old days it was the stigma that single mothers faced alone; men think I have baggage and I’m undesirable. Women, the tide has changed. You’re not alone. The premise is the same. We’re broken toys and no one wants to play with us anymore.

Now, you may think there’s some truth to this. Unfortunately that’s us taking our own stereotypes out on ourselves. These are self-defeating thoughts that are unfounded. Any woman worth your time and effort will accept the fact you have kids. If she doesn’t…well, find one that does. That is an uphill battle that is almost impossible to win.

Men desire respect, women desire love. This is an excellent ideal in the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. This maxim is the crux of the book. Men desire respect and women desire love. When a man shows love a woman responds with respectful actions. When a woman shows respect to a man he responds with love. When this cycle breaks down therein lies many problems.

How does this apply? A woman who likes you but who doesn’t like your children, or that you have children, is not respecting you. Should you try to show love to someone who doesn’t respect you as a person? You can try to show her love but women are a fickle thing and, like men, stubborn to change their ways. If you feel she respects you and that you have children makes her like you even more the more likely you will respond with love.

I’ve heard my daughter referred to as baggage and luggage. You can guess where those relationships went. Not only is that disrespectful to me, it’s disrespectful to her. Women have ideals about children, when they want them, how many they want. To some, a man with a child really is pre-owned and not worth dating. Get used to it.

How to deal? Don’t let it bother you. There are plenty of women out there who DO like men who have kids. It shows you’re mature (normally), grounded, stable and an able provider. Not only that you hopefully, by now, have a good idea of how to treat women.

Keep your chins up. Sometimes it is rough, but the glory is in the struggle.