For The First Time…

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1. Jeff Horton said:

   I just found your site. This entry hit me as being similar to mine. I didn’t have my daughter (17) with me until the 30th. I thought about being alone on XMas day, but instead drove 1.5 hours to be with my sister’s family, picking up my Dad on the way. It was great, but inside I was still a bit sad. I missed my daughter.
   She called on XMas Eve from Florida, where she was with her mother. XMas was never big with her mother. They do all the opening of presents at midnight on XMas Eve and very little XMas day. Cultural differences. I grew up waiting in anticipation with the other kids in my family at the top of the stairs, waiting until my Dad would call, “OK!” and we’d dash into the dining room to grab stockings and then spend a nice slow morning of opening gifts, one to the other, some marked “from Santa”, with a small break for homemade coffee cake and a half grapefruit, juice and coffee (if we drank it).
   I used to try to re-create that atmosphere during my married years but had little success. XMas morning would always start way too late because the previous night would end at, say, 3 AM. We’d sleep much later and it was mostly my gifts that would be opened in the morning, my attempt to meld the two cultures.
   I’ve been visiting a friend and his family on XMas Eve for 5 or 6 years now. I’ve been divorced for 3, but separated for longer. And XMas day with my sister’s family is a way to connect and not be alone. My daughter called in the afternoon on XMas as well and, on speaker-phone, we all said hello.
   I didn’t have my “XMas” with her until the 30th. She doesn’t have money, so there were no gifts for me, but I had plenty for her. XMas isn’t about the receiving. It’s about the giving. And sharing. And family.
   With families living apart, XMas can easily extend from the week before to the week after, making time to gather when we are able, sending packages to another sister’s family in Texas. Mine always arrive late because I shop late, but is is just fine. My niece and nephew have a “mini XMas” from their uncle (I always mark the presents as coming from my daughter to all nieces and nephews) and they look forward to it.
   It doesn’t get easier being without my daughter during these special times. She usually remarks later on that she’d rather be with me, but XMas never falls on my weekend. Maybe next year, when she’s 18 and in college, she’ll take control and do what she wants and then maybe I’ll see her. Or not. She may have totally different ideas. Welcome to teenagers becoming adults. It won’t be how I want it, but I’ll take any time together I can get.

   January 3rd, 2008 at 9:21 am
2. Jason said:

   Jeff,
   That’s definitely some good food for thought. It can be hard when both parents celebrate the holidays in different ways. My ex and I were mostly alike on Christmas morning, except that I normally didn’t eat before gift-giving and her family grew up having breakfast just after waking up.

   I think it’s great to use the holidays to stay in touch with the whole family like you did. This Christmas I had plans with friends that kept me busy most of the day and I talked to my daughter early in the morning so I could hear about her gifts.

   It is the little things like that which count to me.

   January 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 am

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