Self-Blame

Self-blame. Blaming oneself for not taking action or not predicting an outcome of failure. We’re all guilty of this from time-to-time. Chronic self-blame can lead into depression and drastically impact your life.

When you have an unresolved issue it’s extremely easy to then look at yourself and pick out your own personal flaws. Instead of focusing on what to do next or how to cope it’s our natural inclination to wonder “why” and determine that our own person is responsible.

The propensity of self-blame comes from the thought that there are things you may have done to affect the outcome. Though this may be true it is also true that hindsight is 20/20. You can get trapped in what I call the “Circle of If.” If I did such-and-such then this… It loops back to another if and then you get stuck trying to figure out what you could have done differently.

Life isn’t full of second chances; they are few and far between. The past is the past and it cannot be reversed. Wondering about “why” is about as useless as a pig with a wristwatch. (I have to give credit to my old General, General Gary North, for this quote.)

When you find that you constantly blame yourself, try to determine why you are blaming yourself. Is it because you honestly think you didn’t do well or is it latent guilt? Is it the result of many past failures? Is it because someone is blaming you? Figuring out why you are blaming yourself is the only “why” you should concern yourself with.

Focus instead on “what.” What can you do to move on? What can you do to feel good about yourself? What can you do to keep touch with friends?

Take action. Don’t blame yourself. The last thing you need is to fall into clinical depression blaming yourself for things that are outside of your control. Your partner, ex, etc has a mind of his or her own. You can’t control that. Focus on you; that is something you CAN control.