How To Be A “New” Dad

So there are many challenges to be a dad and there are probably countless ways to fail.  At the same time, there are countless ways to be ahead of the curve and take charge of your relationship with your children.

Many fathers are kept out of the loop on their kids’ lives.  Some by their own choice  by being uninterested in their kids or being inattentive until their wives begin to exclude them from many of the day-to-day activities that take place in the home.  Separation from your children may not even be your choice, considering the amount of unwed mothers who don’t let their fathers see the children.  This isn’t an easy place to be when you finally notice that you’re not really there for your kids as much as you want to be.

Even worse, what happens when you have a track record of being uninterested in your children and you go through a divorce?  You’re suddenly thrust into a position where you have to be the full-time parent, at least every other weekend, holidays and part of the summer.   The most important job of your life is now in the forefront and you don’t know what to do as a “new” dad.

What sort of things do I recommend for connecting with your children? Here’s a few things that I would do, and do in actuality, when I am with my daughter or when I meet other people’s children.

• Be an active listener – Listen to what is being said about needs, wants, and desires and then respond.   Don’t start talking until you have heard what they have to say.
• Treat every day as an opportunity to grow with them.  Open your mind to enjoying the things your kids do.  Personally I love being able to indulge my inner child by playing with my daughter and her toys.
• Take your kids out to do something that they enjoy.  This could be a simple trip to the mall or store or a day at the zoo.  Doing things that they like to do helps you show them that you’re genuinely interested in what they want.
• Pick up a new movie to watch with them that’s appropriate for their age.  If you’re following the “active listener” rule than you should be able to find something to watch.
• Don’t be afraid to say no.  Children need you to be consistent in your parenting which requires you to say no from time to time.  It may be difficult if you’re new to it, but the worst thing you can do is let your kids walk over you.

It’s daunting to be thrust into fatherhood if you’re unprepared for it.  The only other piece of advice I can offer is to hook up with other dads that you know and admire and learn how they do what they do.  Prepare yourself with the knowledge of others and learn from them, see them in action, and let your kids play with their kids.  It’ll be a great experience for them to interact with other children.

Above all, love your children and make sure they know it.  Be there for them, talk to them, listen to them and love them will all of your heart.  Nothing less will do.