Comments for DivorcedDadsOnline.com

Comment on Why You Pay Child Support by James Truth

James Truth — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 03:55:43 +0000

If the Collectivist State deems that your ex-wife is so fit as to be the custodial parent, she should demonstrate that she has the financial means to pay for her children.

Since you lack custodial rights, you are not their parent. You are a ficticious dad, a dad in name only.

No moral basis exists to force a stranger to pay for others (income taxation is theft) and no moral basis exists to force a sperm bank donor to pay for birthed children (that’s you, Jason).

If your ex-wife cannot afford her children (remember, they are not yours, you were a mere sperm donor), then the Collectivist State (essentially you’re living under socialism/marxism/communism of a degree) has erred.

How outrageous in the 21st Century that Americans live under slavery to the State.

Divorce and income taxes are two areas which give ample proof of such slaver.

Comment on The Child Support Delimna by Hope

Hope — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 16:44:27 +0000

Something to think about…Out of the 68.8 percent of U.S. households that are considered “family households” – which describes households with children – 1.9 percent are headed by single fathers. In cases where other adults, such as a non-custodial parent, grandparents or other extended family members are involved in raising children, it is important that critical information, such as medication and dosage information, be easy to maintain, share and access, especially in the case of an emergency. MedsFile.com, a personal, private and secure Web-based database for managing medication and dosage information, and other medical information, can be a useful tool for such families. For more information, visit http://www.medsfile.com.

Comment on Welcome! by Jason

Jason — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 15:38:38 +0000

Thanks for leaving your comment! I welcome advice with open arms as it’s important that other readers share their ideas and their thoughts.

I want to say that I completely agree with you, it’s important for two people in a relationship to make time with each other. I’m not sure why this happens but I’ve seen many men, and women, shift from being well-balanced in life, work and home and then after divorce they swing into focusing on one. For a while, I was like that. I traveled for work and focused on my weekends on my daughter. The difference is that I made time on the weekends I didn’t have my daughter to date and go out.

It’s a hard situation, trying to balance it all out. Have you talked to him about this? I mean, really sat him down to tell him that you need alone time?

Comment on Welcome! by Ferney

Ferney — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 15:11:48 +0000

I’m not sure I understand how this website works but I have gone through the posts and I really appreciate all you’ve written. I’m in a relationship with a single dad of two children. I’ve never been married before and don’t have children. They have joint custody and in the agreement he has them every weekend because the ex works on the weekends. This means that in a year and a half we have never had a weekend alone. I was really relieved to read your posts and get some sort of validation that the feelings I’ve had throughout this relationship are things that you address here, particularly on your post on dating. I wish there were more resources like these to come to for advice or just read about others’ experiences. Thank you for being one! I have no idea if you welcome any advice or want to hear from the other side, but I want to say this in case it helps someone out there. I had accommodated the schedule completely but it’s worn me. I wonder now if this might be easier for people when both are divorced and have children. For guys who want to hear a girls’ side, we love your kids for the most part — just like you get annoyed with them, we do too. But if you really like a girl, try hard to have quality alone time and interests of your own that don’t all revolve around children. Again, it’s fun to hear about your kids and to experience them, but you have to build the relationship on your own merits and interests. I’m about to bail!! And I just thought something good came out of my efforts. So, I’m just passing this along. Have a great day.

Comment on For The First Time… by Jason

Jason — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:35:10 +0000

Jeff,
That’s definitely some good food for thought. It can be hard when both parents celebrate the holidays in different ways. My ex and I were mostly alike on Christmas morning, except that I normally didn’t eat before gift-giving and her family grew up having breakfast just after waking up.

I think it’s great to use the holidays to stay in touch with the whole family like you did. This Christmas I had plans with friends that kept me busy most of the day and I talked to my daughter early in the morning so I could hear about her gifts.

It is the little things like that which count to me.

Comment on For The First Time… by Jeff Horton

Jeff Horton — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:21:32 +0000

I just found your site. This entry hit me as being similar to mine. I didn’t have my daughter (17) with me until the 30th. I thought about being alone on XMas day, but instead drove 1.5 hours to be with my sister’s family, picking up my Dad on the way. It was great, but inside I was still a bit sad. I missed my daughter.
She called on XMas Eve from Florida, where she was with her mother. XMas was never big with her mother. They do all the opening of presents at midnight on XMas Eve and very little XMas day. Cultural differences. I grew up waiting in anticipation with the other kids in my family at the top of the stairs, waiting until my Dad would call, “OK!” and we’d dash into the dining room to grab stockings and then spend a nice slow morning of opening gifts, one to the other, some marked “from Santa”, with a small break for homemade coffee cake and a half grapefruit, juice and coffee (if we drank it).
I used to try to re-create that atmosphere during my married years but had little success. XMas morning would always start way too late because the previous night would end at, say, 3 AM. We’d sleep much later and it was mostly my gifts that would be opened in the morning, my attempt to meld the two cultures.
I’ve been visiting a friend and his family on XMas Eve for 5 or 6 years now. I’ve been divorced for 3, but separated for longer. And XMas day with my sister’s family is a way to connect and not be alone. My daughter called in the afternoon on XMas as well and, on speaker-phone, we all said hello.
I didn’t have my “XMas” with her until the 30th. She doesn’t have money, so there were no gifts for me, but I had plenty for her. XMas isn’t about the receiving. It’s about the giving. And sharing. And family.
With families living apart, XMas can easily extend from the week before to the week after, making time to gather when we are able, sending packages to another sister’s family in Texas. Mine always arrive late because I shop late, but is is just fine. My niece and nephew have a “mini XMas” from their uncle (I always mark the presents as coming from my daughter to all nieces and nephews) and they look forward to it.
It doesn’t get easier being without my daughter during these special times. She usually remarks later on that she’d rather be with me, but XMas never falls on my weekend. Maybe next year, when she’s 18 and in college, she’ll take control and do what she wants and then maybe I’ll see her. Or not. She may have totally different ideas. Welcome to teenagers becoming adults. It won’t be how I want it, but I’ll take any time together I can get.

Comment on Balancing Work and Home Life… by Stu Mark

Stu Mark — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:26:18 +0000

This post, on balancing your work life with your parenting life, has been nominated by one of our readers for “Hot Stuff Of The Week” over at our parenting site, GNMParents. Congrats and good luck in the voting!